Before I met my now fiancée, I had finally begun to fall in love with my own company. It wasn’t a loud or flashy feeling, but a slow, steady initiation built over time. The initial days of finding comfort in my own presence allowed me to meet myself in the depths, to confront my deeply held patterns, fears, and capacities. To breathe and flow with them, with grace and space.

I had left a lonely, emotionally vacant marriage (so many tears!). I had come out to myself (what a journey that was). I finally began to understand myself through a neurodivergent lens (and how it shaped my past). I was grieving, healing, and learning to listen to my body in real-time.

And for the first time, I didn’t need anyone else to hold me, I was learning to hold myself.

While these big life shifts brought grief, fear, and challenge, ultimately, that’s what made space for her and me to find each other, and the peace and flow I enjoy in our daily living now.

When I joined the dating apps for the first time, I did not have high expectations. So when I saw her smiling face on Tinder three and a half years ago, my entire body lit up. It was a full-bodied yes, but while the ancient wisdom in my body knew, my logical brain stopped me in my tracks. I wasn’t ready to trust it yet. I exited the app.

When she appeared a second time, the ecstatic full body feeling returned. My brain and fear said ‘No, we aren’t ready,’ so I exited the app once again. This time I whispered to the universe: If this is meant to unfold, show me her profile one more time.

And when the universe listened, so did I. I surrendered. Not just to what my life’s path and purpose was showing me, but to my body, my intuition, and to the version of me that could finally receive what I’d been preparing for all along.

This was the beginning of a new season with myself: one of softening, one of safety, one of release.

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