A fulfilled life is a dance between two acts. Firstly being ‘civilised’ and shaped into what is deemed an ‘acceptable form’, combining behaviours, beliefs, appearance and aspirations. The second act undoes the civilisation to develop a deeper relationship with your Self. The paradox is that both are necessary to develop as humans: we have to move away from our Selves to re-find our Selves. Though the two acts dance together through life, in the second half of life the relationship with the Self becomes most urgent.

A quick scroll through my socials reveals a ton of references to self-care, self-development, self-esteem (don’t you LOVE her??) but what is this Self exactly? There are many ways to define it, but here the Self is:

• How we view ourselves, which naturally includes our self-talk
• How we care for ourselves
• How we respond to the outside world, e.g. extravert, introvert, etc.
• Both conscious and unconscious
• The different parts or voices within, e.g. child, critic, good mother, etc.

The Self is uniquely you, it’s different from identity where we find commonality with the tribe. It’s your nerdiness, the thing you were likely laughed at for in Primary school, and would hesitate to mention on a first date. It feels risky to approach the Self because this individuation process separates us from our tribe; as we become more ourselves, we risk not belonging.

Keep reading Kate’s article below…